I've been compared to Buckaroo Banzai, but better at neurosurgery, physics, music, and racing cars.
They're making a comic book based on me. To do justice to the subject, top scientists under my direction are cloning Leonardo da Vinci from skin cells caught under the paint of the Mona Lisa.
The painting itself is being destroyed for the greater good.
Mrs. Taylor has attracted a diverse set of boids to our yard with a truly impressive array of feeders. They remind me of interferometer arrays intended to find evidence of extra-solar objects.
However, this VLABF (Very Large Array of Bird Feeders) is somewhat more successful.
So, first of all, a little backstory. Actually, never mind the backstory, because you don't want to know how Kat and I got piercings at the same time ten years ago or so.
Anyway, Kat decided to take out her navel ring a week or two ago, and was wandering around tonight, trying to stick her stomach out. Her: I would have had to take it out anyway if I got pregnant, because I've heard they give you really bad stretch marks. Eventually, if you leave it in long enough, the pressure would end up pushing it out. Me: Eww, you'd have like this bifurcated bit of skin above your navel! Her: Yeah. Apparently, the stretch marks make a starburst pattern. Me: Your bellybutton would look like a butthole! Her: I'm not getting pregnant with you. If you want kids, we're going to have to adopt. Me: That's OK, we can adopt my illegitimate children. Why is this not funny? Why did I have to apologize for ten minutes?Comments [0]
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